Goodbye, Bobs
22 Jul 2007 02:38 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
wren_kt7ozThis is a purely personal post, and I don't really expect any responses to it. I just need to get it out there.
As some of you know, my beloved cat Bobbin had been having some health problems. Not unexpected, really, given that he was 15, but still a source of much anxiety and stress for his doting human.
He wasn't very well on Thursday – off his food and really sluggish. To the extent that, after going into work for a meeting in the morning, I spent the rest of the day working from home.
I had to go out Thursday night, but he was quite content to sleep in front of the heater till I got home, and actually had a bite to eat. I sat up with him till after 1 in the morning, just holding him on my knee, while he purred himself to sleep again.
Seemed better Friday morning, so I went off to work.
I got home and he was sound asleep – which was unusual, he normally wakes up as soon as I pull up in the car and greets me at the door stretching and looking all warm and fluffed up from sleep.
But after I woke him up and gave him a gentle scritch, he seemed okay and came wandering out – even had a bite to eat.
He had an appointment to have more blood tests, so I put him in his carrier and …
On the way to the vet he had a stroke, and by the time I got there he was pretty much paralysed and drooling and …
I had to let him go.
I brought him home, and carefully tucked him into a box with his favourite toy, and on Saturday morning I buried him.
I can't begin to express how much I miss him.
While he was here, I didn't live alone – I lived with Bobbin.
For fourteen years, he's been the one I've come home to. The reason to come home.
And now he's gone and the house is so damned empty.
I know he was "only a cat". I know that people suffer loss and grief every day.
But he was my darling. My treasure. My most beloved in the whole world. And he's gone.
He'll never wake me up again at four in the morning wanting to snuggle under the bedclothes.
Never come sitting in front of my computer blocking the screen.
Never climb on my knee and lie there purring till he falls into a deep sleep, trapping me there with his head on my arm till he wakes up again.
My sense of loss is so overwhelming that in some ways I'm numb.
This morning I washed his dishes for the last time.
And put away his collar.
And all weekend as I've moved around the house, as I hung out the washing and made the bed, I've found myself stepping carefully to avoid tripping over him, because wherever I went in the house and garden he was always with me, wanting to know what I was doing and when would I be finished and could he do it too.
And then it hits me that I don't have to do that any more.
And the tears start all over again.
Like I said - this is a purely personal post.
A way of saying goodbye I guess to the most gentle loving cat I've ever known. A virtual memorial service for a beautiful soul in a furry body who shared my life for fourteen years. Who comforted me and teased me and annoyed me and made me laugh and loved me.
Goodnight, sweet Bobbin. May flights of angels sing thee to thy rest.
As some of you know, my beloved cat Bobbin had been having some health problems. Not unexpected, really, given that he was 15, but still a source of much anxiety and stress for his doting human.
He wasn't very well on Thursday – off his food and really sluggish. To the extent that, after going into work for a meeting in the morning, I spent the rest of the day working from home.
I had to go out Thursday night, but he was quite content to sleep in front of the heater till I got home, and actually had a bite to eat. I sat up with him till after 1 in the morning, just holding him on my knee, while he purred himself to sleep again.
Seemed better Friday morning, so I went off to work.
I got home and he was sound asleep – which was unusual, he normally wakes up as soon as I pull up in the car and greets me at the door stretching and looking all warm and fluffed up from sleep.
But after I woke him up and gave him a gentle scritch, he seemed okay and came wandering out – even had a bite to eat.
He had an appointment to have more blood tests, so I put him in his carrier and …
On the way to the vet he had a stroke, and by the time I got there he was pretty much paralysed and drooling and …
I had to let him go.
I brought him home, and carefully tucked him into a box with his favourite toy, and on Saturday morning I buried him.
I can't begin to express how much I miss him.
While he was here, I didn't live alone – I lived with Bobbin.
For fourteen years, he's been the one I've come home to. The reason to come home.
And now he's gone and the house is so damned empty.
I know he was "only a cat". I know that people suffer loss and grief every day.
But he was my darling. My treasure. My most beloved in the whole world. And he's gone.
He'll never wake me up again at four in the morning wanting to snuggle under the bedclothes.
Never come sitting in front of my computer blocking the screen.
Never climb on my knee and lie there purring till he falls into a deep sleep, trapping me there with his head on my arm till he wakes up again.
My sense of loss is so overwhelming that in some ways I'm numb.
This morning I washed his dishes for the last time.
And put away his collar.
And all weekend as I've moved around the house, as I hung out the washing and made the bed, I've found myself stepping carefully to avoid tripping over him, because wherever I went in the house and garden he was always with me, wanting to know what I was doing and when would I be finished and could he do it too.
And then it hits me that I don't have to do that any more.
And the tears start all over again.
Like I said - this is a purely personal post.
A way of saying goodbye I guess to the most gentle loving cat I've ever known. A virtual memorial service for a beautiful soul in a furry body who shared my life for fourteen years. Who comforted me and teased me and annoyed me and made me laugh and loved me.
Goodnight, sweet Bobbin. May flights of angels sing thee to thy rest.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 22/7/07 04:46 am (UTC)Big hugs,
-- Flame
no subject
Date: 24/7/07 06:35 am (UTC)I count myself truly blessed to have had him in my life.
W
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Date: 22/7/07 05:03 am (UTC)Never just "only" an animal. This was a lovely tribute to your beloved Bobbin. It's never easy to let them go and I'm so sorry you've lost your companion, but so happy you had 14 years together. ♥
no subject
Date: 24/7/07 06:29 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 22/7/07 05:23 am (UTC)Big hug.
The good news is that he will never not be a part of your life...even tho' he's physically gone. You'll say the same things about him that you always have. And, I think, you will always talk about living with Bobbin...I certainly talk about life with Abby.
no subject
Date: 24/7/07 06:32 am (UTC)And you're right. He will always be a part of my life.
I'm sorry if thinking about your Abby made you sad, but I know that when you think back about these little ones, there are always smiles with the tears, because the bring us so much joy.
W
no subject
Date: 22/7/07 05:37 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 24/7/07 06:33 am (UTC)W
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Date: 22/7/07 06:18 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 24/7/07 06:34 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 22/7/07 06:34 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 24/7/07 06:36 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 22/7/07 07:26 am (UTC)It will be really hard and of course you will miss him but at least you can take comfort in the fact the he had a wonderful life with you. He was your special "person" and you were his and he knew that!! They just do.
Hope it isn't too sad and bad over the next few days/weeks/months!!! Think of you ♥
*hugs tightly*
no subject
Date: 24/7/07 06:38 am (UTC)I really appreciate it. It's so hard to explain to people who've never had that bond with an animal what it's like when suddenly they're not there any more. The house is so empty without him.
I'm glad your cat is well and that you are enjoying each other's company. I hope you do for many many years to come.
And that you have half as much fun together as Bobs and I did.
W
no subject
Date: 22/7/07 08:07 am (UTC)What a beautiful tribute. Friends of mine had a shrine for their kitty in their home.
As our Brian would say, "Mourn him as long as you want, Wren; he was your beloved." Always will be, actually.
M Lyn
no subject
Date: 24/7/07 06:40 am (UTC)That's very true.
I've buried him in the garden, with a little stone dragon to guard him and a beautiful metal cross to keep him safe.
That will be his shrine.
It's a spot that gets the afternoon sun, so I can sit there and think about him.
Thanks again
W
I'm so sorry
Date: 22/7/07 08:25 am (UTC)Re: I'm so sorry
Date: 24/7/07 06:44 am (UTC)As I said to Cael, Bobbin's health - or rather, his increasing age and fragility, was the main reason I didn't make it to Stockbridge this year. Which as it turns out was obviously a really good decision.
Maybe next year.
Thanks for the hugs, I needed all I could get on the weekend. But at the same time I didn't want to be around anyone. Cyber hugs fit the bill nicely.
W
no subject
Date: 22/7/07 08:53 am (UTC)I hope you will have a new cat friend in your live, sometimes...not to substitute your Bobbin but to love again.
no subject
Date: 24/7/07 06:46 am (UTC)And, while there will ever only be one Bobbin, that's true of each of them. They all have their own personalities, their own souls.
When it's right, the right one will turn up.
W
no subject
Date: 22/7/07 10:12 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 24/7/07 06:47 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 22/7/07 11:11 am (UTC)Wren, five years ago I had to put my beloved dog to sleep. It was crushing. He was 16. Donnie and I both cried for three days and we still missed him.
Animals are so amazing. You are right. You didn't live alone. You had Bobbin. Now I'm sure the empty seems vast. Pets give love so unconditionally.
Thinking of you and wishing you .....whatever would help you most right now.
sd
no subject
Date: 24/7/07 06:59 am (UTC)I appreciate it especially from you, knowing that you've had your own intense grief to deal with this year.
I think you're right about lj - you can put thoughts out there and touch other people, and be touched and supported in turn. It sounds so trivial, but somehow it isn't.
The thing about animals is ... I have a theory that there are pets, and there are companion animals, and they are not the same.
Pets have kennels in the back yard or sleep in the laundry, they have a defined place and are kept to that place. And their silly owners never let them become more.
Companion animals are part of your life. They share mealtimes (even if it's just to sit and peer at you hopefully), they watch TV with you, "help" you with the housework, or the yard work, or what you're trying to type. Whatever you do, they're right there with you.
That's how it was with Bobs. If I was home, Bobs was around somewhere. If he went out for a stretch in the sunshine while I did the housework, as soon as I was ready to settle down for a cuppa or a snack, there he'd be. If I went out to hang out the washing, there was Bobs, weaving around my feet. If I was washing the dishes, he's sit and watch until he got bored, and then he'd curl up in a box and snooze till I'd finished.
He was just always there. And you're right, without him, the house is just so empty.
But ... there are years of happy memories to look back on. And eventually, another one will turn up. Not a replacement Bobbin, never that. But there are so many cats and kittens looking for a home, I won't be able to bar the door against the next one for too long.
Meanwhile, while I try to adjust to life without him, I really appreciate your kind thoughts.
Thank you
W
no subject
Date: 22/7/07 11:56 am (UTC)I am sure you know he will never be gone from your heart, thank you for sharing your pain with us, but know dear Wren we have our arms around you Hugs Chris
no subject
Date: 14/10/07 08:19 am (UTC)But in some ways that's a blessing. I would hate not to feel his loss this deeply, if that makes sense.
Anyway, thanks for your kind thoughts. They really did help at the time, and they are still helping now.
Hugs
W
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Date: 22/7/07 12:08 pm (UTC)For now ***HUGS YOU TIGHT***
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Date: 14/10/07 08:22 am (UTC)Again - thank you.
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Date: 22/7/07 01:26 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 22/7/07 02:15 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 14/10/07 08:24 am (UTC)Anyway, just wanted to make sure you knew that I very much appreciated your kind words - at the time and now.
no subject
Date: 14/10/07 08:26 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 22/7/07 02:57 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 14/10/07 08:26 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 22/7/07 03:15 pm (UTC)Cindy
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Date: 14/10/07 08:28 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 22/7/07 03:33 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 14/10/07 08:29 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 22/7/07 04:45 pm (UTC)My condolences, Wren.
*HUGS*
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Date: 14/10/07 08:34 am (UTC)I don't want to in any way lessen the loss that someone feels when a family member dies. In my life I've lost grandparents, both parents and my closest friend. But at least in those cases other people recognise and sort of give permission for the grief. What is hard about losing a beloved animal is that most people expect you just to "get over it".
If most of the people I work with, for instance, knew that three months later I'm still sitting here crying over my lost cat, they'd think I'd slipped a gear.
It was such a comfort to me both at the time and now to get messages like yours from people who understand how it is, the strength of the bond you can feel with these furry companions.
I can't thank you enough, even if it has taken me months to express it.
no subject
Date: 22/7/07 05:14 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 14/10/07 08:36 am (UTC)Sorry that it's taken me so long to respond to this. I just couldn't revisit these messages for a while. But I did want to let you know how much I appreciated the thoughtfulness.
no subject
Date: 22/7/07 07:03 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 14/10/07 08:38 am (UTC)When the time's right another cat will come along. In a lifetime of cats, I've only once in my life gone looking for one, they find me with no effort on my part. I swear the word goes out that there's a vacancy, and they just ... arrive.
I'm not quite ready yet, but I don't expect it to be very long.
no subject
Date: 22/7/07 08:12 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 14/10/07 08:39 am (UTC)Sorry that it's taken me so long to respond for this, for a long while it was just too painful to go back to these messages, but I did want to let you know that your kind words really did help. So thank you.
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Date: 22/7/07 08:15 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 14/10/07 08:43 am (UTC)So I can so empathise with your loss, and I wanted to let you know that your sharing really did help me - both at the time and now. It helps just to know that I'm not the only one who feels this deeply over such a loss.