wre_kt7oz (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
wren_kt7oz) wrote2007-02-10 04:19 pm
wren_kt7oz) wrote2007-02-10 04:19 pm
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Reverberations #15
Amazingly enough - another chapter of Reverberations.
I'm even hopeful of finishing the next Homecoming in the next few days.
So ...
Warnings: Content is suitable for adults only. If you click on the links you are signifying you are old enough to read such content.
Click here for all chapters of Reverberations
Last time, in the wake of the chaos that Ben's attack on the protester created at the vigil, Deb is angry with Brian for not pulling some sort of super hero stunt and rescuing Ben from the consequences of his actions, while Brian is more concerned that Justin gets the rest he needs before the opening of the Emerging Artists show at Sydney's gallery. Justin gets an attack of nerves, but Brian has his own unique way of dealing with that.
Reverberations #15
Justin
It's amazing. I was getting close to a total meltdown, suddenly overwhelmed by the idea that some gallery was actually expecting people to pay money for something I'd painted. I felt like I was totally kidding myself and I was going to wind up feeling like a complete idiot when everyone hated them. Or worse … didn't even think they were interesting enough to hate.
Then Brian rolls over for me, and now, walking into the gallery, I feel nervous, but not out of my depth; definitely not out of place. I feel like I belong here. I might be green, and have a lot to learn, but it's like this is my world, and I'm ready to start carving out my place in it.
In some ways I guess it's kinda pathetic that one fuck can do that for me, can bolster my confidence that much. In another, it's just fucking wonderful that Brian knows me so well; that he knew I was coming unglued and knew just what to do to help me. Maybe that's where the confidence really comes from … knowing that he truly does know me, and love me, and that he really does accept me as his partner.
Knowing that … who wouldn't feel they could do anything?
He dropped me off here and he's gone off to visit Michael.
I hope that goes okay.
I wanted to go with him because I didn't want him to have to deal with Deb and all the shit about Ben by himself. But Brian insisted that I need to focus on the Opening and I didn't want to turn it into a big thing, so I let him drop me here and head off to do what a man's gotta do.
On the way here, he asked what my plans are for Sunday. He wants me to come to Chicago with him. I know he's freaking out a little over leaving me here without him, which is totally ridiculous. I mean he can't get all superstitious about bad things happening every time he goes to Chicago. That's insane. I can't go with him on every trip, and I don't want to encourage crazy over-protective Brian either.
But on the other hand … maybe if we went tomorrow, we could have almost a whole weekend. Like a little mini-break. Check out the clubs. Do some shopping. Brian says all the big designers have outlets along the Golden Mile.
He'd like that.
Plus it would get him out of range of Debbie and all that shit for a couple of days, at least.
Hell, yes! Why not? I'll tell him as soon as he gets his ass back here.
But right now, I'm inside and Sydney, who's talking to a couple of guys armed with all sorts of camera equipment when I walk in, sees me, and comes bustling over.
"Justin, my dear boy, how are you?"
I take a deep breath, fight off the urge to tell him I'm no one's "boy", not even Brian's, and shake his hand.
"Fine, Sydney. I'm just fine, thank you for asking."
"That's wonderful, wonderful. It's good that you're here a little early because there are some people here that I want you to meet."
He leads me over and introduces me to the guys he'd been talking to. They're from the Post Gazette, and at first I assume that they're here just to generally cover the exhibition.
Then the reporter, Chris, asks me about Wednesday night, and that's when I realize that dear old Sydney has set me up. He's using my connection to the bombing to garner publicity for his damned gallery.
I want to walk out.
I want to scream at them that it wasn't a fucking publicity stunt.
I want to find a way to spew the smell of smoke and fire, blood and burned flesh, and the putrid reek of hatred all over them, so they'll feel like I do – that they'll never be completely free of it again.
I don't, of course.
I smile, and answer their questions, and try at least to provide a reality check, reminding Chris, and hopefully his readers, that people died in that smoke and fire for no better reason than someone didn't approve of their bed partners.
Chris nods intently. He's in his late forties, maybe fifties, and I don't get any gay vibe from him. But he says the right things, and he seems sincere enough, I guess.
The camera guy, Marco, has spent some time setting up, and now he gets me to pose for a couple of candid shots while Chris goes on asking questions. Then Chris goes off to talk to Sydney and Marco takes some more posed photos – of just me, and me in front of my paintings.
The other artists who have works on display are arriving now, and I can feel their stares, and their resentment, when they realize that all this fuss is over me, and no one is going to be asking them to pose for any shots.
If they only knew how much I hate doing it … or at least, hate the reason for it, hate the feeling that I'm capitalizing on other people's pain. But I go on posing, even though I'm starting to feel like I'm about to come unglued.
Finally, my cell rings and I excuse myself to answer it.
It's Brian. He's at the police station. Seems they wanted him to make a statement about what happened with Ben. He tells me he's done, and he's on his way.
Says he wanted to make sure that when Deb rings to sound off about him going off with a cop, I didn't get the right idea.
I snort at that.
Then I tell him briefly about the reporters, about the questions Chris asked. He needs a heads up, and I need … I need to get a grip.
He goes very quiet and I can see so vividly that lips pulled between the teeth look he gets when he's being careful of what he says.
I fight not to ask him if he's still coming, how long it will be till he gets here, all that pathetic clingy stuff that I am just not going to say. But I know he can hear something in my silence, too.
"Ten minutes," he promises abruptly, and hangs up.
Ridiculously, that's when I feel the shakes start. I am so fucking grateful that he's on his way.
***
Brian
Fuckers!
That asshole Sydney. I should fucking kill him.
But even as I'm thinking it, I'm also admiring him.
Damned right he's got the press onto it. So he should. He'd have been a fucking idiot not to.
That's when I realize I'm mainly mad at myself. I should have fucking realized he would. Then I could at least have given Justin a heads up. Prepared him a little.
The thing is, if I can only make him see it, this isn't just good publicity for Sydney; this is a fucking amazing opportunity for little Sunshine. If his damned principles don't get in the way of him taking it.
Well, I have to make sure that doesn't happen. I need to get there. Need to talk to Sydney, need to see what else he's organized, who else he's lined up.
He said something on the phone earlier about tomorrow. Wasn't that about someone he wanted Justin to talk to? I need to check out what else he's got planned.
But first I have to get to Sunshine, make sure he's okay. Make sure this stuff isn't freaking him out. Maybe it's too soon for him to be dealing with all this. If he's really not okay with it, then I have to find a way to get everyone to back off a little without pushing them away completely.
But first I have to find him, have to see for myself that he's okay.
Frustrated, I weave like a maniac through the Friday night peak hour traffic. I find a parking space easily, thank God, and it's only eight minutes later that I'm brushing aside the minion who opens the door and zeroing in on my target.
He's talking to Sydney, and a guy who, judging by his paunch and his bad clothes, must be the reporter.
On the surface, Sunshine looks like he's well on top of this, schmoozing like a pro, but although he's holding it together, it's obvious to me at least that it's with an effort. Then he sees me, and immediately he looks better. Something in him relaxes and the clouds clear.
I wait for him to come to me, rather than joining the group. I don't want to call any attention to myself with the reporter. This needs to be all about him. I don't want any distractions based on my own link to the bombing.
The reporter might dig that up, anyway. But I sure as hell don't have to hand it over.
For a moment, as he excuses himself and moves towards me, I wonder about the timing of all this. Especially given the surprise I've just set up for him tomorrow. Maybe this isn't the right time for what I'm trying to do, now, when maybe things are starting to move for him.
But if not now … when would be?
Either we want to make it happen, want to make us happen … or we don't. Either we're both fucking committed to being together, or we're not.
He's been letting me know, none too fucking subtly, that I need to treat him as my equal; pay him the respect of letting him make his own decisions – not make them for him.
I know I've done that in the past. I've forced decisions, my decisions, on him – either directly, or by removing any option to choose. That's what I did with the fucking fiddler. I lied my ass off and told him it was his decision where he wanted to be when all the time I was taking away all his other options. I even did it with the LA trip. At the time I thought I was doing the right thing pushing him onto that plane. I still think it. But I didn't really give him any chance to choose for himself.
Well, that has to stop. I know that as well as he does.
So this time … I'm not shutting off the options. In fact, I'm about to up the ante. I'm about to let him know how completely fucking serious I am about wanting a future with him in it; let him see what I'm prepared to do to make that happen.
This time, he gets to choose. And all I can do is hope he makes the right choice for himself. I can live with whatever he chooses. As long as it's the right thing for him.
***
Justin
He looks kind of preoccupied when he comes in, but then I get to him and he hooks his hand round the back of my neck in that way he does, and scrunches down just a little so we're eyeball to eyeball, and looks right into my eyes and …
He's here. He's right here with me in this moment, and he knows that I needed him to be here, and he's totally okay with that and he got here so damned fast, and …
He squeezes the back of my neck and pulls me against him just for a moment. But it's enough. He's here, and his support means more than anything right this minute. Makes me feel like I can cope with anything.
Chris comes over, and I go to introduce Brian, but he just gives one of his tongue in cheek smirks, says he wants a drink, and slides away.
Chris shakes my hand, says that he and Marco need to get back, because they'd like to get the piece in the paper tomorrow rather than the features section on Sunday, and then they're gone and I go off to find Brian.
He's snagged a glass of the champagne that's not supposed to be served till after the guests arrive, and the drinks waiter is clearly hoping he'll get something in return, till I come up and glare at him, and he pouts and moves away. With a backwards glance over his shoulder at Brian of course.
"Asshole!" I snap.
Brian laughs.
"Don't get your panties in a knot, he's not nearly hot enough to even tempt me."
I snort. "Just as well."
Brian just grins and pulls me against him, holding me there for a while. Almost like he needs to feel me close as much as I need him. I look up at him.
The thing that makes Brian so hard to read sometimes isn't that that there's no emotions in his face. Sometimes there are just too damned many, especially in his eyes, all these feelings, mixed up together, so it's hard to work them all out. I take a breath and try to cut through some of them.
"I've been thinking about Chicago," I tell him. "I think we should go tomorrow. Sydney wants me to come into the gallery early to meet with someone, but we could get on a plane about lunch time … have most of the weekend there."
He looks … startled for a moment. Then, after he's thought about it for a couple of seconds, he says, "Sure, why not? Good idea. Get us away from all the crap for a couple of days."
Then he frowns. "Unless Sydney needs you here. If he does, then …"
"Brian … "
He huffs a laugh, and brushes his forehead against mine for a moment. "I know you don't like all this shit," he says. "And we can't talk about it now … but later … I'd like you to at least listen to what I think, okay?"
I sigh. Publicity. It's his thing. He knows all about this side of things. I don't. I don't want to. But I'm not stupid. I know art's a business, like any other. That I have to treat it that way if I really want to have a career, not just paint as a hobby while I get supported by my rich boyfriend. So I nod.
"Later," I tell him.
He gives me a funny look at that, and, just as the doors open to let people in, he pulls me against him again to give me a quick kiss.
***
Brian
He handles the Opening like a pro, of course. His WASP background stands him in good stead and he wows everyone he talks to, including the damned NY art critic that Sydney has somehow lured here, and who keeps running his sleazy eyes all over him, like Sunshine's the prize exhibit.
I put up with that for a while, and then I come up and wrap an arm around his shoulders. His work is up for sale, he's not; this asshole better learn that quickly. If it's the art he's interested in, no harm done. If it's not … he can get fucked. Justin doesn't need that kind of fucking attention. His talent speaks for itself.
To the guy's credit, he goes on talking to Justin, and it's all about the work, thank God. Not a mention of the bombing. Maybe being from the Big Apple he doesn't know about it. Why would a New Yorker care about a few people dying in a little backwater like Pittsburgh?
And maybe Sydney, having got him here, might not make a big deal of it … if he can get the serious art press to take notice of the work purely on its own merit, then that's a double whammy … publicity for the artist with the general public, and a decent review of the art for the art crowd. My respect for him nudges up a little. He seems to be playing this very very smart.
I figure the guy has got the message and little Sunshine's virtue's safe, so I wander off to talk to Jenn. She's here with her toy boy. Justin doesn't like the whole deal, but I give Jenn credit for landing a hot young thing. Why the fuck not? It's what her asshole of a husband did. Why should he get all the fun?
She smiles at me, and moves away from whatisname … Tucker … so that we can talk. I take the envelope she hands me and slide it into my pocket.
"Brian, are you sure?" she says.
I shrug.
What can I tell her?
No, I'm not sure. I'm not sure it's the right thing for him. In fact, the timing might be totally for shit – like it so often is with us. I'm not sure this is the way to convince him that I meant what I said to him the other night; to prove to him that the fucking marriage proposal wasn't just a result of some sort of PTSD. I'm not even sure that I can swing the finance … although I guess selling what's left of the club to some developer could help with that.
But I am sure about one thing.
I know that I need to do something.
Somehow I need to find a way to show him that he's not going to be forever stuck in the same rut if he stays with me. I need him to know that I might never be someone who buys him roses, and romances him with candlelight fucking dinners, but that at least I'm finally ready to work on planning a future together. I might not ever be anyone's idea of an ideal partner … but I'm not intending to be some pathetic over the hill party boy forever either.
I need him to see that I fucking know what I've been lucky enough to find with him. That I know what it's worth to have someone … someone I love … someone who loves me. I know what that's worth, and I'm willing to put myself on the line for it in a way that I've been fucking avoiding up until now.
All the bombing did was push me into this a little faster than I'd planned. I'd thought, you know, maybe next year … some bullshit like that. Well, no. Not next year. Now.
He mightn't want it … right now … or even ever. That's always a possibility.
But he's at least going to know that it's on the table in a way that I've never really made sure that he's known before.
I guess Ma Taylor must read something of that in my face because she looks as if she might fucking start hugging me any minute. But then, arriving just in time like the fucking cavalry, Emmett comes up.
"Isn't it fabulous?" he gushes.
I'm surprised by how fucking glad I am to see him.
***
Justin
I wish I knew what Mom is saying to Brian. They both look very serious. But just as I finally escape the cunty critic and start to head over, Tucker comes up to me.
"Congratulations," he says. "Your work is very impressive."
I shrug. Then I remember that I'd promised myself to try harder to get along with Tucker, and so I smile and thank him.
Then I see Emmett arrive, so that gives me an excuse to thank Tucker again and move over to say "hi!" to Em. He gives a little squeal when he sees me, and then swamps me in a big hug. I wait … one … two … thr …
"Emmett!" Brian growls. Em and I exchange a grin.
Ted comes in then, with Cynthia, and then Daph arrives, and I spend a little time talking to my friends, Brian's hand warm on my back, till Sydney comes to take me off to talk to someone else, and from then on the evening is just one long trail of 'smile, shake hands, smile, thank, smile again and move on'.
I'm exhausted by the time they finally get everyone to leave.
At one point I'd seen Lindsay talking to Mel, but neither of them went near Brian, I don't think. Lindsay did make a point of coming up and saying in front of Sydney how pleased she was that I'd been able to show more of my work, and how good she thinks it is. Like that is going to make me forget what she tried to do.
Some people I know from PIFA show up, even a couple of my old professors. They all make the right kind of noises, but … it's like … not that they're jealous, exactly, but like they don't feel that me having any sort of success is quite right, because I didn't finish college, didn't go through all the right steps in the right order. Well, too fucking bad.
Two of my paintings have sold before the end of the night, and apparently Sydney's already fielded an enquiry by some gallery in Philadelphia that's interested in hanging the large painting Lindsay couldn't find room for, so they can all get fucked.
Debbie and Carl turn up right before the end. She gives me a big hug, and explains that she wanted to stay with Michael till visiting hours were over. I guess that makes sense. Ben's not with them. By the look she gives Brian, and the way he tenses up as soon as she walks in, I can tell that there's a reason for that. Probably to do with him having to make a statement about Ben and that guy.
I haven't had a chance to get Brian to tell me about that yet, but I will later. I need to know how bad that's going to be.
I guess it must be serious if the police are taking statements.
And, of course, Deb is going to find a way to make it all Brian's fault … just like always.
Well, fuck that! Not this time.
I mean, I guess I don’t exactly blame Ben for totally losing it. But it's not like Brian could have done anything to stop him, and once he'd attacked the guy in front of a whole crowd of witnesses, including Carl … then there wasn't anything anyone could do.
But honestly … I'm just too tired to deal with all that tonight. I think Brian must see how exhausted I suddenly feel, because he gets all brusque and overbearing and just tells everyone that we're going home.
On the way out Sydney reminds me that I've promised to meet with some other reporter for breakfast at nine tomorrow. Maybe Brian will come with me.
***
Brian
He's almost out on his feet by the time we get back to the loft, and although he makes noises like he wants to fuck, I'm damned if I'm having him fall asleep on me halfway through, so I just give him a quick blow job and tuck him into bed.
Then I pull out the envelope that Jenn left with me.
It's heavy, and when I open it, this huge fucking key falls out onto the desk with a clunk so loud that I'm afraid for a moment it will wake him up. I should know better. He sleeps like a log. Only damned thing that wakes him is if I get out of the fucking bed … then he's sitting up and blinking and wanting to know what I'm doing … all of that shit. But tonight he's safely asleep, and I'm out here and I've got time to think about tomorrow.
He's having breakfast with some reporter. I never did get a chance to check with Sydney exactly who, or what the agenda is, but I'll make sure that I talk to Sunshine tomorrow morning and get him on board with what he needs to be focused on. Then I'll send him off to sweet talk the reporter.
That should give me time to check this place out before I get back to pick him up. If it's as spectacular as Jenn says it is, then I'll kidnap him and take him out there and see if the sight of this damned mansion I want to buy for him can get the message through his thick head that I'm fucking serious about the marriage thing. Serious about wanting him to be sure that I want … him. I want him, and I want us, and I want to plan on a life with us together. I want him to feel like he can plan on that happening. And if it takes a fucking wedding ring on his finger to make him feel that way, then … so be it.
I look through the papers she's printed out for me. The price is high, but I think I can swing it. Worse case scenario, I might have to sell the loft. If we're buying a fucking mansion to live in, then I guess I won't be needing the loft anyway.
The place looks amazing. The photos she's got look even better than the one I saw in the magazine at the hospital while I was waiting for Mikey to get back from some tests. It was a major bonus that the ad listed Jenn's agency as the realtors, because it meant I could speed things up a lot. Plus I could persuade her to let me have the keys to the place so we can check it out without some damned agent making a fucking sales pitch in the background
Besides, if I'm going to propose to him again while we're there, I sure as fuck don't want any witnesses.
Anyway, whatever happens at the house … I'll book us on a flight to Chicago sometime mid afternoon.
That way, if he's said 'no', we can use the weekend away to work out what the fuck we have left.
If there's anything.
Well, yes … there'll be something, of course there'll be something. But …
If he says 'no', then I'll know that whatever we have left, it's something temporary. I'll know that no matter what he says, he doesn't really see a long term future with me.
So … all I can do then is make the fucking most of whatever time there is.
And if he says 'yes' … we can use the trip to Chicago to celebrate, and to plan the wedding, before every one else sticks their fucking noses in our business as usual. Maybe even buy the rings.
Either way … at least I'll have tried.
I might wind up crashing and burning, but for once it won't be because I've been too much of a fucking coward to go for it.
on to chapter 16
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And what a great chapter it is!!
And if he says 'yes'
Let him say "YES"....please!!!I know,you will write that soooo well and not as corny as Cowlip did it.
I might wind up crashing and burning, but for once it won't be because I've been too much of a fucking coward to go for it.
It was a long way for Brian...but now he really knows what love is!!
Your writing of their characters is great.I will wait patiently for the next chapter...........but....hurry up!!!!
I'm even hopeful of finishing the next Homecoming in the next few days.
Well.....that is my "ray of hope" for the next days!LOL
Marita
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Yes. Yes, I think he really does. And he knows what it takes to have a relationship. He knows that it means work, and compromise, and being willing to make sacrifices, large and small, for each other's happiness. And he's reached the point where he knows it's worth it, and is willing to do what it takes to make their relationship work (and his relationship with his son).
That's what killed me about canon. It was as if he spent 5 seasons finding that out ... only to have it all taken away from him at the end. So what was the point of it all? He would, I felt at times, have been better off if he'd never met Justin, never had Gus, never learned those lessons. Because then he would never have known what he'd missed.
Well, not in my universe!
In my universe he gets to at least try to put into practice what he's learned. He might do it clumsily, he probably won't always get it right. But at least he gets to try.
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Sometimes QAF was hard to watch.....or is hard to watch!!!We've just seen 304 here in Germany.(I've seen it all and I thank God every day for the internet!LOL)
In my universe he gets to at least try to put into practice what he's learned. He might do it clumsily, he probably won't always get it right. But at least he gets to try.
I love your universe.
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If he says 'no', then I'll know that whatever we have left, it's something temporary. I'll know that no matter what he says, he doesn't really see a long term future with me.
This breaks my heart a little and makes me want to protect Brian. He has already resigned himself to a negative answer. Please, Justin surprise him.
It's about time they give themselves this gift, love.
So … all I can do then is make the fucking most of whatever time there is.
Sigh...
Can't wait for the next chapter and my fave of yours is Homecoming... I am so glad I know they will get there!
Thanks for this wonderful chapter!
♥ Nicki
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It's very rare that someone manages to give Brian a voice that keeps him in character and at the same time illuminates all the thoughts and emotions I always believed him to have.
That is the most wonderful compliment.
I love Justin. But I adore Brian. So to have a "Justin adorer" say such wonderful things is something I truly appreciate.
It's about time they give themselves this gift, love.
Yes. Yes, I really think it is. Of course, for BJ, things are never quite as simple as that. And as Brian has already intimated, their timing truly sucks.
As for Homecoming ... very close to being completed. So ... probably Tuesday or Wednesday, I hope.
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So, like I've said from the beginning, I write what I would have liked to see in canon.
If that's worked out in a way that matches with, as you say, the gut-feeling about what they're "really" like, then I am delighted and flattered.
So thank you very much. Another chapter of Homecoming is likely to be up this week, and more Reverb on the way soon. I'm on a roll now, and have worked out a couple of things that were putting the brakes on a bit, but it's all steam ahead now, I hope.
PS Why oh why don't they have an edit button for comments? I had to delete and repost to fix up the typos.
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Let me clarify :-), I completely agree with what you said about the writing in canon taking the characters further and further away from what they're really like (I know that could sound stupid 'cause we're talking about fictional characters here but you know what I mean). It's like the first season writers painted us this amazing picture of two characters who had such chemistry and who were so amazingly intriguing and interesting, especially when you put them together and then, somewhere along the way, the writers (did they change throughout the seasons?) seem to have lost touch with these characters' spirit or something, like they just couldn't feel them anymore.
Luckily, that's where some of the fiction writers come in. I do say 'some' 'cause, man, the crap you encounter sometimes when in search of a good fic. I've been reading B/J fics since 2003 (I'm pathetic, I know) and I must have read hundreds and hundreds of fics by now, but when anyone asks me which writers I would recommend I can never think of more than (approximately) 10 to 15 writers which I absolutely worship. You're definitely one of them. To give you an idea of what else I consider top-class writing: Maps and Legends by Rachelanton is one of my favorites as well and right now I'm re-reading "If you needed me" by Myrna, fantastic story. These just come to me now but there are more of them of course, like the amazing Ethan from Exhaleslowly and Bigboobedcanuck (don't know any of the writers' actual names), who unfortunately left the fandom when the series ended, and various others. My point is, very few people seem to really get the characters and how they would interact plus are also able to write that down in an appealing way. You, however, in my opinion anyway, can do just that and more. There's a sort of quiet integrity and finesse to your stories that I absolutely adore. I can't explain it really. I just love what you do. But, enough with all the praise now, wouldn't want your head to burst :-), I'm guessing you get the picture. I'll let you to your writing now. Glad to hear that things are going good again.
I hope your interest in BJ will last for many years to come 'cause the way it is looking now, it doesn't seem like I'll ever tire of reading BJ-fic and I need some great writers to keep me satisfied and happy. So if you're up for the job... I will love you forever :-) (needless to say, I'll be looking forward for your next chapter...)x
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:)
I Think We're Twins!!!!!
Re: I Think We're Twins!!!!!
Yes, yes, they were.
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Will comment soon :D
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I'm looking forward to seeing how the next day develops, you've added enough unknowns that I'm extremely curious.
As you know I'm following both stories VERY closely. :D
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And the way I work, I can't work those things out by thinking about them. If that makes sense. I have to wait until the emotional context becomes clear to me, and then I can figure out the rest. Now all that is coming through very clearly, so I'm actually driven to get it written, instead of holding back because I know it's not quite right yet.
Anyway, glad that so far at least, it's making sense for you as well. :)
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I am very curious as to the 9:00 am meeting!
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Actually there are a couple of things coming up that will impact their immediate future. In a way, the meeting is one of them. But maybe not in the way you think. *g*
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Next installment soon, I hope. But another Homecoming first.
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I guess the bonus for me, as well as for you, is that we know whatever happens, it gets them to where they are in Homecoming. *g*
I'm not sure I could have written Reverb without knowing that. If that makes sense.
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It is such a good thing you already let us peek in the future, because otherwise I'd so worried right now: If he says 'no', then I'll know that whatever we have left, it's something temporary.
I really want to know who is the person Justin is meeting in the morning. Has this person anything to do with him leaving for NY? Couldn't he miss the appointment, then? ;-)
I so want to hear the pitch Brian is giving Justin about marring him!
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Yes. As I said in the comment above, I'm not sure I could have written Reverb with all its anxieties, if I didn't have the knowledge that it gets them to Homecoming to cling to.
As for the person Justin is meeting ... wait and see. The meeting will impact what happens in their immediate future, but maybe not the way that you expect. *g*
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If he says 'no', then I'll know that whatever we have left, it's something temporary...
So … all I can do then is make the fucking most of whatever time there is.
And if he says 'yes' … we can use the trip to Chicago to celebrate...
Either way … at least I'll have tried.
Lovely, just lovely
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This could have happened in the series-this could have been what we saw instead of the garbage they gave us.
Thank you so much for that comment. More and more as I've been writing Reverberations, I've realised that what I've been trying to do ... more to prove something to my own satisfaction than anything else ... is to write the series ... not just the way I would have liked to have seen it, but in a way that incorporates the main plot points ... the growing alienation between Michael and Brian, Brian's realisation that his days as Liberty's No. 1 stud are drawing to an end, the bombing, the proposal and so on, and do it in a way that made sense in terms of the characters.
It's almost like I needed to prove to myself that it wasn't just that the writers sacrificed character to plot that so infuriated and frustrated me about S5, it's that they did it needlessly ... because if they hadn't been so damned sloppy, they could have hit the key plot points, while still keeping the characters that we know and love intact (instead of making them - especially Justin - virtually unrecognisable by the end of the season). I guess I wanted to explore my gut feeling that it was sheer bad writing and lack of any real care for the characters that led to the disaster of S5, not the dramatic direction in which they chose to take the story.
The marriage proposal is a case in point. We were left with no real idea where that came from ... except to believe Justin was right in the first place, and it was purely a reaction to the trauma of the bombing.
I felt from the beginning that Brian might have had very compelling reasons for that proposal ... reasons that were rooted both in his long time insecurities, and in his growth. For me, the only point of that story arc was to show that Brian was finally, finally, ready to lay himself on the line and fight to give Justin what he believed he needed and to make the relationship work.
But we didn't see any of that really (except what we saw in Gale's eyes), because the scenes were so badly written. And then it all went to Hell in a handbasket anyway which totally undercut the wonderful statement it had made about how Brian was finally growing up, and finally starting to believe in a future with his loved one.
I guess I needed to explore for myself how it could have been dealt with better, and I am so grateful that long time BJ addicts like yourself think that I'm succeeding.
Thank you so much.
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I truly appreciate the comment about the Justin-voice. I find him a fascinating character, but because we saw so little of the "real" Justin in S5 (if that makes sense), it's sometimes harder for me to find his emotional centre.
I'm glad it rang true for you in this chapter, because it's an important one in terms of what happens next.
Next chapter well under way already. So hopefully in the next week or so. :)
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I have been re-reading Reverb and I always read your comments to get the feel for what you are trying to convey in this story. However, you keep saying we didn't see the "real Justin" in S5. Now, I only watched S5 once (The Screeners) I thought it was the biggest piece of shit ever filmed. I should have stopped watching QaF at S3 I would have been more satisfied with the characterization and the ending.
But for me I found what they did to the character of Brian far worse than the character of Justin.
For 4 seasons we saw Brian learning to love and be loved. After the cancer arc we see that he has finally figured out that he wants a life with Justin and he tells him so.
Then S5 comes and Brian goes off the fucking rails trying to prove to himself that he still has "it" that he is still the King of Liberty and we get that stupid fucking bet. Now, I think his whole reaction to Brandon was ridiculous. I think the "real Brian" I knew in S1-S4 wouldn't give a fuck about the new kid on the block, let alone compete with him and when S5 Brian did. I was done. What a slap in the face to Justin.
I am curious to know why you think Justin was the issue in S5 when I think it was the shitty characterization of Brian. Can you shed some light on your theory?
XOXO
Madam
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And a new Homecoming chapter in the next day or so. :)
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I actually felt at the end of S4 that Brian was coming close to that point, but then the LA thing intervened and he seemed to just move further and further back from it.
In my universe ... he gets to keep going forward.
W
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Anyway, it basically said ITA and I'll never forgive them either.
*going off to pout now*
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All party people grow up. Even if they don't want to. It's natural progression. Brian didn't want to be alone. He never did. Never. He had to grow up to be able to deal with the ups and downs. Those are part of it too.
CL let other people in the show grow. I never understood why the didn't want Brian to or why they regressed Justin.
Your scenario is much more plausible to me. Thanks for the healing.
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I suspect that the thing about Brian is tied up with a whole batch of ego identification, etc.
But ITA - it's absurd - and verging on pathetic - to push Brian back into being the party boy in his thirties.
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